We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
