Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
