I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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