I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
