Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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