Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
We won't sleep together?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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