You're completely useless in the revolution.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
