The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
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He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
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I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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