The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
