I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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