Swine flu is the new snow day.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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