I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
