Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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