This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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