she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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