remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
