So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
