we're blogging at a bar
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
now i know why i became what i already was.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
