Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He shit in the fireplace
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
