onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
