Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
