I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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