I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
