Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
