I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
