i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
