It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
