You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I have tasted many bathrooms
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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