I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
