He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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