i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
