i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
