where am i from again
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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