I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
