No awkward lesbian experiences without me
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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