it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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