you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize