i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
