i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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