went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
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