So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
