Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Just high enough for therapy.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
