I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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