what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
