1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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