still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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