Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
