Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
