why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
