She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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