the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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