You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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