We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
