i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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