he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
