Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
