after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
