It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize
