census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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