Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
