eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
