I wish they made helmets for livers.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
