too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
