I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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