When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
