At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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