there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you didnt know i had herpes?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
