I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
