Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
