She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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