Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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