i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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