Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Let's get the cat blown out
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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