Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
