Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
