Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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