My sheets look like a crime scene.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
