his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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