I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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