yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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